the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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