yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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