he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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