He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
