One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
