Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
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