I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
bring money and cleavage
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
