I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
