its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
