Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
