Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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