Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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