My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Woke up backwards on a recliner
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Randomize
