you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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