We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
