you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
