You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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