So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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