Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Still dying that you shit outside
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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