Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
