dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
