In the future we'll all be gay
where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
