I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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