I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
