you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Randomize
