so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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