im having a threesome with these popsicles
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize
