People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
