I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
