You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
