Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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