I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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