she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
