no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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