u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Randomize
