yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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