I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
