I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
