he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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