im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
