Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
what day is it and did you see me today?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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