kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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