i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
