dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
