i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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