Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
