In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
