i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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