I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
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