the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
