She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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