There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
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