We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
