Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
