The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
